God What Are You Doing?! Part 2
Jesse and I had only known Memin for 3 months. Memin walked into our church on Wednesday, March 28th and cried the entire service. Afterwards he told Jesse he was wanting more of God and that he felt like there was more. He told Jesse that he wanted to break down the language and cultural barriers in our county. What Memin did not know was that God had been leading us for over a year to start a Spanish service.
First we felt God was calling us to do some sort of outreach or mission work. Then God reminded Jesse of a dream that he had placed into his heart several years ago. A dream to start a Spanish service. We had just gotten to a place where we could start talking about it again after our son, Arden had died.
It was Sunday, March 25th and we were talking over lunch and planning when to launch our Spanish service. Then on the following Wednesday God sends a 24 year old latino man into our midweek church service who tells us that he wants to break down language barriers in our county. I could not make this stuff up if I tried! Jesse and I looked at each other and said “Is this it?!” We were seeing the puzzle pieces fitting together.
We know from experience what it’s like to see the hand of God even in the midst of tragedy. But at the moment of finding out about Memin’s death, and even the following week, all I could say was “God what are you doing?! Memin had his whole life ahead of him. He had the potential to be a world changer. God, we just had our first two Spanish services and now you want to take him?! What are we going to do?! God what are you doing?!”
“God…what are you doing?”
I would say it in my mind, quietly to myself, out loud, and even yell it. “God, I don’t know what you’re doing and I’m mad and I can’t help it. But I know this: You’re all I need. You’re enough. And You’re all I have, so I’m going to trust you. But I am upset.” I believe it’s ok to be upset. God already knew how I was feeling, so there was no reason to hide it. He knows all. He made you and He understands you more than anyone. He knows He made people with the emotional capacity to have anger and disappointment. It’s not a sin. Jesus wept.
Jesus lost a dear friend named Lazarus who the Bible says Jesus loved (John 11). The Bible even says Jesus’ spirit was troubled and He wept. Jesus even felt the pain of mourning and grief in his earthly form even though He knew the miracle that was about to take place. The Bible says in Hebrews 4:15 (ESV) “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” You can’t tell me that Mary, and even God the Father, didn’t feel the weight of pain and anguish when Jesus died upon the cross. Even though I still don’t know the full purpose of the deaths of our son, Arden and of our good friend, Memin, I KNOW I will see it one day.
It might seem silly to some people, but the number 7 has been showing up a lot and I cannot help but think it’s God’s way of showing us that everything is ok and He’s in control. Our son (who should have been born December 6th) was born only moments after midnight on December 7th. July 4th made 7 years that my husband and I had been together. July 7th, the 7th month of this year would have made our son 7 months old and it would be the day our friend was found. It seems like all the bad things that have been happening to us have been happening around the number 7. It may not mean much to everyone else, but God knew what the number 7 would mean to us. He is showing us that He’s still working in our lives. He has a perfect plan. He’s bringing everything into completion, we’re still walking in His will, and restoration is coming.
I would have never chosen this and I would never do it again but I will not regret everything it has been teaching us. I know they’re a part of the plan that is working for the good of our lives and ministry, and we’re already starting to see evidence and puzzle pieces that have been perfectly fitting together. It’s all to bring God glory. To be a beacon, a monument for the unbeliever. We are already seeing and hearing testimonies of how God has awakened callings in others’ lives and how He has awakened people to the realization of who He is. The night of Memin’s funeral service, which many people from the community attended, three people (that we know of) raised their hands to the call of wanting to receive salvation. I believe there are many more to come.
